"Everything is appropriate in its own time. But though God has planted eternity in the hearts of men even so, many cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11(TLB)
This verse was included in the message our Pastor brought on Sunday morning. I find myself scanning the crowd from time to time wondering what pain, hurt, worry or concern folks are bringing with them to church on Sunday morning. I know the pain I carry around with me. It can't be left at home or outside the church doors. I try to stuff it behind a fake smile and an "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" but sometimes it just won't stay hidden and Sunday morning was one of those mornings.
Our Pastor being very transparent spoke of his own personal struggle and how life is not fair or easy and as Christians we were never promised it would be. How in the book of James where he says something like consider it pure joy when you go through various trials...and you think to yourself, really?? There are times when we feel like we are going through hell.
Amen...it is hell on earth when your child is so severely handicapped that she cannot walk, talk, sit by herself or even eat by mouth. It is hell on earth when you watch her suffer each and every day with muscles so tight that it pulls her bones out of socket, seizures that cause her to cry out with a sound that will bring you to your knees and yet day in and day out she is trapped in a world of silence unable to express even her most basic of needs.
I know my pain in watching her and trying to comfort her, I can't imagine the pain she feels being confined to a wheelchair or how her muscles must ache and hurt from being contracted so tight all day long. After each long day is done and she is in her bed and finally succumbs to sleep am I able to breathe a sigh of relief (if that's what you can call it). It is when she is sleeping that her muscles seem to relax some that her breathing is slow and even and seizures seem to be at bay. I am to count this all as pure joy, someone please help me with this one.
As I scan the crowd of people the pain and hurt is too much to even comprehend. The stories are endless the worry and burdens we carry around with us. Stories of loss, sickness, unthinkable diagnoses, betrayal, unforgiveness...the hurts of this life just go on and on.
Sometimes I just need permission to get it out. I don't realize it until the tears start flowing uncontrollably that I've been holding it in for a while...for the boys, for my family, for my friends so that I'm not a wreck all the time, b/c believe me I could be. This is a living nightmare with no end in sight and sometimes I need the "OK" to let the hurt out.
Thankfully our story does not end with a diagnosis though and yours doesn't either. Just as we can not understand why these things happen, we also can not fathom the "scope of God's work from beginning to end." There is healing and hope in the name of Jesus. Father God, hold us with your strength because we cannot bear these things on our own.