Friday, April 9, 2010

Safe at Home

Sophie Kate and I came home Thursday night. No more fever, she's tolerating her food well and to me most importantly her surgery from over a year ago is still intact even through all the vomiting and retching, Hallelujah! She's not 100% but as I tried to convince them yesterday in my hard push to come home, nobody else has to be completely recovered and back to their old self to be discharged from the hospital, but it's like that's what they want for SK. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their diligence but I know this girl and yes we do have to be inpatient from time to time and yes the docs do help her get better, but she has always done so much better once we get her home and get her back in her own environment.

There is only a certain level of healing that takes place in the hospital. I have seen it over and over again w/SK, there is a difference in her once we get home. This is our safe haven. She doesn't get fully well until we get inside these four walls and truth be told neither do I. There is nothing magical that happens here but as I said before it is our family's safe haven. We are safe to express our emotions here. We are safe to be angry, safe to let out frustration (although not on each other), safe to question (in a respectful way) and safe to bawl our eyes out and there is a level of healing in that.

I found myself very frustrated (to put it nicely) at the hospital waiting to be discharged b/c it was not done in any semblance of a timely manner. God was teaching me a hard lesson in patience, b/c once I get the ok to be discharged I am ready to walk out the door and believe me it never happens that way especially with my girl, she's constantly throwing kinks into that. I found myself driving way too fast down the interstate once we hit the open road in my quest to get inside these four walls. We have been through a lot here and we can handle a lot here, we just have to get here. Once again it has nothing to do with the actual location but it is the people here and the love here and God being at the center of it all that make this place such a comfort to my soul.

Sophie Kate will still be in recovery mode over the next few days her feeds are not yet up to what they need to be, but we are here and we are safe to feel again.

I cannot thank you all enough for the love and prayers for our girl.

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