"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders," we sang these words in church yesterday morning. One of the girls on stage sang the words so beautifully and I felt them speak to me so clearly. I wrote them down so that I wouldn't forget them. I don't even know the name of the song, but I know those words and they can be a scary few words.
We all sang those words and sang them out loud, but do we really want to be taken to a place where our trust knows no bounds. Surely there is a place, a circumstance where our trust would stop or where we would question the trust we have in our God. For the parents I know who have had to bury their children, certainly it would be understandable that their trust in God has run out or that they aren't sure that God is still in control and knows what He is doing. For the special needs parents I know who have to deal with so much "stuff" each and everyday, our children and our hearts hurt, surely our trust would run out here in the "everydayness" of it.
It's ironic in a way though, that this is where that trust grows and deepens. It's forged in the depths of pain and tears. It's tested and proven in hard times and struggles. It becomes alive and real when it meets up with life. At least for me, trust does not deepen when things are going good and coming up roses, maybe I am a slow learner. It's choosing to trust God when I want to do things my way, it's choosing to trust when the world says "how could a loving God allow these things to happen." It's choosing to trust God instead of choosing anger and bitterness, because in Him there is goodness, hope and love.
"A trust without borders..." six years ago a prayer like that would have scared me to death. Today I understand it a little bit more, I am living it...not perfectly, far from it. The borders of trust have been tested...God is faithful.
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."