"She's proven me wrong." Yep, we heard those words this week from Sophie Kate's neurologist. Words I never expected to hear from this man that cut us to our core four days after SK was born. We still see him every 6 months because he knows what he is doing when it comes to keeping SK's seizures under control, but those appointments also come with their fair share of dread and cringing on my part.
This appointment was no different especially since she's been put on O2...I knew we would have to talk about it. How much we talked about it was kind of up to me. Did I want to ask the hard questions that have been that have been haunting me? Did I really want to know the answers to my questions? I wasn't sure.
Well, he asked his questions and then I asked mine. I couldn't even look at him for trying to hold my tears back as I asked him what all this meant for my girl. Was this the beginning of the end for her? And that's just the tip of the iceberg of the questions that have been plaguing me for weeks. His response? "She has proven me wrong." "She has done better than I ever thought she would or could given her level of brain damage."
Please know, I have had to come to a place where diagnoses, doctors and tests results can't get to me, can't define who my girl is and can't begin to describe how beautiful and precious she is to those who really know her. I can't hang on every word from every doctor and therapist. I guess I haven't done as good of a job at that as I thought I had because hearing him say that felt so good.
Sophie Kate looked at him when he came in and she even gave him a little smile when he spoke to her. We talked about her seizures, her oxygen requirements and how she has proven him wrong. Who would have thought that this doctor of all our doctors could have put a smile on my face about all this junk we have been through over the past 5 weeks. He could tell how hard all of this has been on me and asked if I felt better about things now...I did.
He talked about how strong she is and what a fighter she is. Yeah, those who really know and love her already know this about her, but it sure was nice to hear that from him. We have one doctor (our pediatrician) that deeply and personally cares about SK and cares about our family and connects with us on a personal level and I have sung his praises here on more than one occasion. Our specialists though don't have this relationship with SK or with us and that is by their choosing I can assure you, so to hear this from one of them was completely unexpected but wonderful at the same time.
Sophie Kate has had a good week at school. We are so thankful for the two nurses that have stepped up to care for her at school. It is such a weight lifted off of me that I truly don't have to worry about her when she is at school. We are still trying to work out all the "getting out" with her stuff. It's not easy, but I have felt more encouraged than defeated this week. God has shown up through your phone calls, text messages and emails and I am grateful to you for remembering our family in your prayers. He has also shown up in quiet tender moments with just me and my girl and crazy loud moments when all our boys are home. He has even shown up through the "hard exterior" of one of our doctors and brought encouragement in unexpected moments...grateful for a God who is in the details.