Monday, April 29, 2013

Pneumonia Again

Last week was difficult for us, Sophie Kate came down with aspiration pneumonia again.  This is the second time in two months and her doctor wants to hook us up with a pulmonologist (a lung doctor).  Once again this pneumonia came on her fast with a sudden onset of high fever, lots of gunk, retching, lowered oxygen saturation and an overall feeling of rottenness.  Once again though she has responded well to the antibiotics as well as other interventions and is back on the road to recovery.  While it is an absolute miracle that she has not ever had pneumonia up until now and has not had to see a pulmonologist either, I can't help but sigh and feel the pain of it all just the same. What new road are we starting to go down now? What's happening in her already compromised little body?

It's not an emergency situation, quite the opposite really. She has responded well to her current round of antibiotics so it's one of those situations where her doctor just wants to get us in with a pulmonologist so he can "get to know her."  That's the part that makes me sad, see we have long term relationships with all of our doctors and they are wonderful (don't hear what I'm not saying), it's just that I wish we didn't have to get to know them at all, no offense. Our superhero of a Pediatrician is only doing what is best for our little girl, as he always has, by hooking us up with other top notch specialists that he knows we are going to need as we continue on this journey with his girl of ours.  It makes me sad that he thinks we need to see this doctor even though I know we need to as well, I just don't want to.  

That longing for normal and typical pulled at me hard this week.  I felt it when hurtful words were spoken to us in the waiting room and I couldn't stop crying.  I felt it when we got everyone up and ready for church only to have to turn around and take SK and daddy right back home before we even walked through the doors because she wasn't quite ready to get out yet and didn't let us know that until we got to the parking lot.  I felt it when I looked in her sick eyes always knowing that once we get her better there is still a mountain in front of us to climb.  I just felt it and it hurt all over this week.  I certainly don't cry every day anymore, but have cried many days in a row this week.

The little girls her age and younger have made my eyes well up with tears this week.  Do they know what a blessing they hold in their arms?  Do I?

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