Friday, January 11, 2013

Just a Glimpse

While we were at my parent's house over Christmas break, I felt it my obligation one evening to get a hold of my youngest niece and her untamable hair.  Olivia is 1 1/2 years old with blond curly hair.  I usually refer to her as a hot mess.  She's wide open and all over the place so you can imagine that those curls get a bit unruly from time to time.  I was able to get her still for just a few minutes and put her hair into pigtails. Well, it must have been a hit because after that she was attached to me like she has never been before.  She wanted me to hold her, pick her up, sit with her, play with her and even fell asleep on me one night, she was just the sweetest thing.
One evening when they were over she looked up at me and said "Amye."  I wish y'all could have heard how she said it, I don't think I will ever forget it, that sweet soft little girl voice that I am so unfamiliar with.  It sounded so foreign to me that I was powerless to do anything but stop and stare in disbelief with my mouth wide open.  I don't think I have ever heard a little girl that small, that young say my name before.  I wanted to disappear.  I wanted to never hear it again and at the same time I never wanted her to stop. Would that be the way Sophie Kate's voice would sound? Would SK look up at me like that so proud of herself for saying my name?  Would she reach her arms up to me like that to pick her up?  She would and that's what makes it so hard and so wonderful at the same time.

I see the boys with her and think that's how they would play with Sophie Kate.  Jacob and Grey help her up and down the stairs even though she can do it by herself.  Cooper carries her anywhere she wants to go.  They all help her with her dolls and doll strollers.  They do pretty much anything she wants.  It's hard to see them with her and know they will never have that kind of relationship with their own sister.  

It was just a moment but a moment that had an impact on me.  This is a glimpse into how the smallest thing can pierce straight to my heart and make my eyes uncontrollably well up with tears.  I have to let the feelings come even though I don't always know how to deal with them.  It is a journey and I know I have to take my emotions just like my at a time.  
 The girl cousins at Smith Lake, 2012

It's a weird thing how joy and pain can coexist, just like laughter and sadness all at once.  It's just part of my life and I don't want to miss out on the blessing of it all or the person God is still molding me to be.  I told my sister that I'm afraid she'll forget me now that we are all back home, she's precious and I don't want to think about her not remembering who her "Amye" is.

Thanks for checking in on us.  

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