Three days into school and my girl is already sick. She has a fever and is trying to vomit even though the surgery she had a couple of years ago prevents her from doing so. The look on her face makes huge tears roll down mine. When Sophie Kate gets sick it's a total body experience, you see it on her face and in her vital signs. It manifests itself in fevers, vomiting (or rather trying to), lots of coughing, gagging and sneezing...her body trying to rid itself of something that doesn't belong.
The worst is how it settles on her face and in her eyes, her big smile disappears and her eyes barely open. I find her awake when I get up and can only wonder how long she's been up fighting sleep or is it sleep fighting her? Is she hurting, is she in pain, will sleep just not come because of her discomfort? Is she hot? Cold? We've all been there but the difference is that she can't tell me where it hurts or what I can do to make it better. So in between her cares, I hold her. I was told in the NICU that a mother's body temperature will adjust to the temperature needs of her baby. If the infant is too cold the mother's body will provide heat to warm the child up and if the baby becomes to warm the mother's body will cool down...I did find that to be the case as I held my baby girl close day after day. Does it still hold true now that she's three? I don't know but I hold her anyway and she seems to find some comfort in that and is able to close her eyes for a few minutes.
My tears are for her pain, for the look on her face and for the helplessness I feel. My tears are for so many good days she has had and for the future that is so uncertain. My tears are for her upcoming surgery and for the pain I know she will be in then, they are for the deep desire I have to take this all away from her...to trade places with her if I could. There is no good that can come from wishing and wanting things to be different though because they are not, so we will take things one day at a time and I will be right beside her. It is my honor though to help her this. It is my privilege to be by her side to care for her, comfort her and love her.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Thanks for your prayers for our girl.