Ahhh, a fresh new week, hopefully it will be better for us (and by us I mean "the sister") than last week was. Sophie Kate finally started feeling better over the weekend after being sick for 3 days with a nasty virus. She woke up fever free Saturday morning, her eyes were brighter and we even got some smiles out of her...a very welcomed sight indeed! It would be nice if we could try and string together more than two days at school, my dear.
The boys were especially concerned about her this time, asking about her when they got up in the morning and when they would get off the bus in the afternoon. I think it was the way she looked. I mean, I hate to say it that way but she felt rotten and you could see it all over her face. My middle son Jacob told me on Thursday morning, "We prayed for Sophie last night." Thinking he must have asked prayer for her Wednesday night at church, I told him that was very sweet of him. Then he added "in our room"...hold up there, now you have my attention..."in your room?" I asked. "Yes ma'am me, Cooper and Grey prayed for Sophie Kate last night in our room, I led the prayer." First of all I have to pause here and say if any of my children would be leading prayer anywhere it would be Jacob, he has the heart of a servant. Secondly, I really didn't know what to say. I was so humbled in that moment.
I am not telling this story to be braggy about my kids, please know that because Jacob is who he is in spite of his parents and thankfully so. Y'all we are seriously inadequate to be in charge of these boys, I just hope we don't mess things up. I was thinking back to what I was doing while my sons were in their room praying for their sister. Was I washing dishes or clothes? Was I actually doing something somewhat noble and caring for their sister? Was I holding her, I do that a lot when she is sick. Was I on the computer or watching TV...because what I do know is that I wasn't in that room with them while they were praying.
I am so blind to what is going on around me because I am still too focused on what I can't change. Thank God He has a hold of these boys instead of me. Thank goodness He is molding them into the young men He would have them be. I'm pretty sure I wasn't praying for others at the age of 9, I'm very sure I was consumed with selfishness though. So, here it is right in front of me, scripture brought to life. Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
This is the good, this is the treasure that comes out of darkness. I don't want to miss this, I don't want to be stuck dwelling in a place that may never change...wishing and wanting for something that may never happen. What have I done with my pain? That question was asked of me today in the message at church, well it was actually asked of all of us, but it was spoken through a megaphone to me. What have I done with my pain? I have settled into it somehow, I know that must sound strange to some. I have grown way to comfortable in it for sure.
Have I allowed God any entrance to the place I keep my pain? No, not lately. Sure I did in the beginning when I thought He was going to step in and just heal her so that we could all move on with our lives, but no, not in a long time. Have I been open to the good things that can come from all this? No, thank goodness He is working out the good in spite of me though. I don't want to miss this...what God has planned in the life of our family. I don't want to be a bystander/observer. I want to be an active participant. Wow, what God is teaching me through my children!