Tuesday, October 25, 2016

When God seems silent

There has been a long silence on the blog over the past months.  I want to fill y'all in on what has been going on...there has been so much.  I will start from where I left off back in April.  We have been battling Medicaid since the beginning of this year to get our private duty nursing hours reinstated (Medicaid denied them back in February).  We have appealed their decision through every avenue we have available to us within their system. The most recent appeal has been through what Medicaid calls a "fair hearing."  We are currently awaiting the judge's decision.  I want to give a helpful and honest opinion about what this process has been like both positive and negative for my special needs friends that may be facing a similar situation, but today is not that day.

This has been a long process filled with lots of "hurry up and wait."  I found myself consumed and overwhelmed by this process.  There were times when I had to just step away for a few days and could feel myself lighten up when I got some distance from all the preparation this process has demanded.

We have sought the Lord first and foremost through these days.  Should we continue in this process?  Should we go through with the "fair hearing?"  Why are none of the appeals going in our favor?  Is this a sign, is that a sign? We have asked so many questions along the way and I can't say that I ever felt 100% about anything, one way or the other.  It felt more like...silence.

There was no strong feeling of yes or no in my spirit.  We moved through each step feeling like, in the back of our minds, well, if we come up against something that is immovable is that our sign to stop or is that the time to push up against it...still silence.  During the times in my life where I felt as though God was silent, I have to draw on what I know of Him...what His Word says about Him, what others have testified about Him,  His magnificence in the the world around me, and the evidence of His hand upon my own life.  

Here is what I know...Christ settled once and for all how He feels about me and how He feels about you on the cross.  With every tortured blow of that whip, love poured out.  With the pounding of every nail, we were on His mind and on that third day death was defeated.  It was there that Christ showed us how He feels about us, we never ever have to wonder about that or have to question that again.

During even the most difficult of circumstances, when we feel like God is far away, when we wonder if He even knows or cares about what is going on in our life, when we ask why and don't get the answer we desire or maybe don't get any answer at all...we must know that His love for us never wavers, His presence never wanes, His plan never falters.  When we question if God is still there, if He even loves us anymore and if He does then why is this happening or why isn't He doing something about it...take it to the cross my friend...that is where He showed His immense and indescribable love for us.

Many times, we may feel that God is silent, but in reality, that is not how it is.  Be encouraged today the God of the Universe loves you and He is near.

Psalm 119:50, "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."

John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

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