Monday, October 29, 2012

This time 5 years ago

Our girl turns 5 years old on Saturday.  November 3rd falls on a Saturday this year,  SK was born at 9:08 on a Saturday morning.  Everything seems to be taking place in "real time" this year.  Halloween was on a Wednesday in 2007 and three days later that year, our world changed forever.  

Last week was difficult for me and I don't expect things to improve this week.  No matter what I do I can't keep my mind from going to "this time 5 years ago."  This time 5 years ago my baby girl was healthy, her brain was not damaged and she wasn't having seizures.  The weight of it all settles on me in the dark early morning hours and it comes so hard and heavy that I find it difficult to breathe. It hurts to the core of places that I didn't know could hurt.

I have to keep telling myself, it's not 5 years ago, it's today...and today she is happy and smiling and able to go to church and school.  She's growing and her seizures are under control (for the most part).  She's able to give and receive love.  We are in relationship with each other, rich in understanding, rich in love.  God has shown us these things through our girl. We are changed because of her.  We have scars that still hurt, but God has stitched our wounds back together and we are stronger than we were before.  God has dealt gently with us with patience and love.  He has shown us the joy that can come from difficulty and the beauty that can come from devastation.

Pray for us this week, that our hearts and minds can stay focused on the truth and not be taken captive to fear and lies.  Thank you for your love and prayers.   

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