How Long and How Much?

How long.....do you watch your child hurt before you say enough is enough?

How long.....must you see tears stain your baby's face?

How long.....do you sit and hold them while they scream?

How much...will they actually cough up/spit up/throw up today?

How long.....must you feel their heart pounding throughout their entire body due to such and intense pain response?

How much...must they be hurting, after all the meds have been given, to still not succumb to sleep?

How long.....do you sit and hold them after they have finally let sleep overtake them?

How long.....before her brothers walk around with their hands on their ears asking you why she won't stop?

How long.....must you endure before you want to scream and cry yourself?

I have really done SK a dis-service by saying her reflux is back, technically SK has GERD (gastro-esophageal reflux disease).  This not something that can be helped by taking a baby Tums, I wish it were that simple.  I know how heartburn feels and when I feel that, I just go and take a Tums and I get instant relief.  I can't imagine the awful burning and the actual damage that is going on inside her little body and the pain that she is obviously feeling only to then realize that we have yet to find a medication that can alleviate any of this for her.

This night (Mon. Feb. 23) has been eerily reminiscent of so many nights we spent last Dec., Jan., and Feb.  I have said over the last 2 weeks that I need some clarity on this, that I thought the medication might actually be doing something, but I wasn't sure.  We were having good days and bad days, 2 bad might be followed by 3 good or vice versa.  Well, this night we hit the mother lode of bad nights and it took me straight back to Feb. 2008, were I was holding a screaming baby screaming out myself "Why won't You help her?"  Of course this night didn't last as long as those did, 3 hours compared to 12 hours (and no I am not kidding about that one), but I have also vowed that I will not let it get to that point again.

There will be a call to her doctor tomorrow and hopefully and appointment not too far away.  In the meantime, it is 4am on Tuesday and I have been up since 2am with SK coughing and gagging up all manner of unpleasantries, this cannot continue.

How long....must we endure before we get our miracle?