When I Feel All Alone

Well, tomorrow is the day. We will take our little girl to see her neurologist again as we walk in and through yet another chapter in this earthly journey with our sweet Sophie.

The message our Pastor shared on Sunday was about blooming where we are planted, living for God in the circumstances we are in. As I thought about all the people around me and felt myself going into major pity party mode, I wanted to scream (not even knowing any of their circumstances)"yeah, easy for y'all to do go ahead and bloom where you are planted with your perfect families and your perfect children."

As I have had more time to think and pray on this and have tried to pull myself out of the pity party/victim hole that I find myself in way too often, I have thought that this really is how Satan would like us to see ourselves. He likes for me to be isolated, for me to feel alone, for me to feel like I am the only one and even more so for me to feel like God doesn't care for and love me anymore, b/c then he accomplishes his ultimate goal which is to take away my witness for my Savior.

When I am consumed with how unfair I think my situation is, when I am sad b/c of all the things I feel like I am going to miss out on with Sophie Kate, when I feel sorry for myself b/c of my circumstances there really is only one common thread running through the whole thing...I, I, I, me, me, me.

Oh, I am not going to try to fool y'all into thinking that I am this healthy/positive in my thinking all the time. It is only through God's wisdom and strength that I am able to have these moments of clarity from time to time. Sadly, I do find myself thinking a lot about how I have it so bad around here and how everyone else "appears" to be "living the dream." And friends I use "appears" in a very loose sense of the word b/c I am truly only looking in from the outside another quality that I am not proud of, but when I am being honest it is the truth.

Lord, forgive me. Brothers and sisters in Christ forgive me, I know that I am not the only one suffering. Thank you for sticking with us in this journey. Your prayers spoken on our behalf do not go unheard to the Father and do not go unappreciated by our family.