This time 5 years ago

Our girl turns 5 years old on Saturday.  November 3rd falls on a Saturday this year,  SK was born at 9:08 on a Saturday morning.  Everything seems to be taking place in "real time" this year.  Halloween was on a Wednesday in 2007 and three days later that year, our world changed forever.  

Last week was difficult for me and I don't expect things to improve this week.  No matter what I do I can't keep my mind from going to "this time 5 years ago."  This time 5 years ago my baby girl was healthy, her brain was not damaged and she wasn't having seizures.  The weight of it all settles on me in the dark early morning hours and it comes so hard and heavy that I find it difficult to breathe. It hurts to the core of places that I didn't know could hurt.

I have to keep telling myself, it's not 5 years ago, it's today...and today she is happy and smiling and able to go to church and school.  She's growing and her seizures are under control (for the most part).  She's able to give and receive love.  We are rich...rich in relationship with each other, rich in understanding, rich in love.  God has shown us these things through our girl. We are changed because of her.  We have scars that still hurt, but God has stitched our wounds back together and we are stronger than we were before.  God has dealt gently with us with patience and love.  He has shown us the joy that can come from difficulty and the beauty that can come from devastation.

Pray for us this week, that our hearts and minds can stay focused on the truth and not be taken captive to fear and lies.  Thank you for your love and prayers.   

iPhone Pictures

Here are some of the pictures off my phone over the last few weeks...

I can't remember why I even took this one of SK still in her bed, I guess so that I could share with all of you what a ray of sunshine she is each morning.  I get to wake up to this every day!!

Grey's spot for our Friday night family movies...I so want to be him.

Same Grey,different night, different movie.  Him and SK falling asleep together...priceless.

 It seems as though every season of SK's clothes have a theme.  This fall/winter is the season of the skirts and tights/funky knee socks.  I am so loving this look on her, precious.

Oh and a close up of her fabulous boots.

And lastly my mantle with those little jars of candy corn that I told y'all about.  Yes, the boys are still getting into them and yes I am still refilling, ha ha.

The weather here has been absolutely perfect...warm days with cool mornings and nights.  We wrap up regular season flag football this weekend and head into the playoffs.  I would say that we're almost done, but as soon as football wraps up we jump into basketball, but at some point in between all that we have a little girl turning 5.  A big day of celebrating is in our near future, we are so thankful and blessed.  Thank for checking in on us.

Road Trippin' with the Boys

It's weird not to have posted for a whole week, but I did something this weekend that I have never done before.  I went out of town with just the boys.  Yep, after flag football games on Saturday me and the boys went to my parent's house in Mississippi and daddy stayed home with Sophie Kate.  Let me just say you haven't lived until you've been driving down the interstate singing "Call Me Maybe" with three boys.  We took turns picking songs off our ipods and let's just say that we hit on every style of music imaginable. We went from country to pop to rock to contemporary christian to Disney all in about a 4 hour span.  I so enjoyed them.

We went for a quick trip this time because my niece was in her children's theatre production of "Alice In Wonderland." It was just darling and she was wonderful.  We bought her flowers and the boys presented them to her after her performance, so sweet and she was thrilled. 

We were able to see family that we have not seen in awhile over a dinner of potato soup and taco soup that my mom and sister had made, it was a nice evening.  

We were supposed to head back home on Sunday but as you all know, this group doesn't travel uneventfully. Cooper got sick (sore throat, cough and fever) over the weekend and I ended up at an urgent care facility with him on Sunday afternoon so we ended up staying one more night.  After some meds and rest he was much better the next day.  Of course, no one seemed to mind being "stuck" at Mimi and Paw Paw's house.

Daddy and Sophie Kate survived their weekend together too, ha ha.  I missed her like crazy but I know she was in good hands.  I have never been away from her for two nights before and it was very weird.  My life revolves around her schedule and I caught myself repeatedly checking the time and thinking "it's almost 4:00, time for SK's water and meds."  I constantly found myself wanting to check on her and look for her, because we are always together.  I am blessed to have a husband who can and will provide complete care for her when I am away.  He is very capable and proved that in a big way this weekend...that folks is a real man!!

I had a great time with my boys and so enjoyed that time with them.  Grey and I couldn't wait to get our girl back with us Monday afternoon and we have all been smiling ever since.  Thanks for checking in on us.    

Feeling my Age

How 'bout those Bulldogs!!  We are 6-0, what an unbelievable season, loving it!!  I must confess though that I am not a fan of the 8:00pm kickoff.  At around 6:00pm when Chad announced that we were still 2 hours away from kickoff, I knew I was in trouble.  

OK, let me back up a bit, you see on Friday night we served as a host home to 7 sixth grade boys and 2 interns for our church's preteen weekend.  Sixth grade boys don't need to go to bed early because they can still function the next day on only a little sleep...parents can't.  I was comatose for most of my game, waking for only brief periods of time to check the score.  I was trying to will my eyes to stay open, but I was powerless to the exhaustion that overtook me. Even Sunday afternoon/evening, Chad and I were still commenting on how tired we were.  Am I that old?  It now takes me 2 days to recover from one night of staying up until 1:00am...sadly I'm afraid it's true.

Our 5th and 6th graders were mentored by high school and college age guys and girls.  I think it's wonderful for our kids to spend time with these interns, sometimes they will listen up more when it's not coming from their parents, you know? I love that they have these godly role models in their lives. 

Once again, our weekend was full and fun.  We had beautiful weather for our boy's flag football games and it looks like this week will just keep getting better and better. The outside Halloween decorations are out and gone are my cute smiling ghosts and pumpkins and in are the skeletons, phantoms and graveyards.  The boys wanted our house to go scary this year...all I asked them to remember was that Cinderella still lives here.  I am so enjoying fall, football and family. Thanks for checking in on us.  

A House Divided

I am a Tennessee fan.  You will catch me rooting for the Orange and White on just about every Saturday in the fall…every Saturday but the one coming up this weekend.  Chad and I usually root for the same team on any given Saturday…any one but this one.  You see I was a Mississippi State fan long before I became a Tennessee Vol fan.  I hold degrees from both schools but I graduated from MSU first and it is nearest and dearest to my heart.

The bond we usually share as we root for any team playing Alabama (ha ha just kidding, not really), will be replaced by weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth (mainly by Chad of course) as we argue with the referees and mumble about the plays we would’ve called for our teams. I foresee Cooper and Jacob siding with their daddy while Grey and Sophie Kate will cheer for the Maroon and White.  This weekend we will truly be a house divided.  

There’s a lot on the line seeing as how this particular match up does not occur every season.  There will be bragging rights for the winner for years to come…and with my Bulldogs going into this game 5-0 and playing at home, I think those Vols are ripe for a Bulldog smack down. Hopefully I'll have a reason to ring my cowbell Saturday night, either way should be a fun football weekend.    

A New Understanding

Last Wednesday (Oct. 3) Grey, my 6 year old, came in from school and in the midst of homework, after school snacks and lots of conversations taking place all at once, he said he was ready to ask Jesus into his heart.  Stop the presses, stop all the insanity...I immediately stopped whatever I was doing because whatever it was it wasn't important.  I talked to Grey about what it meant to ask God to be Lord of his life and indeed he was ready.  So, right there with me, his brothers and his sister Grey prayed and asked Jesus into his heart and life.  There it was, child-like faith right in front of me, so close I could reach out and touch it...so real, so genuine, so simple.  

We went on to pray a prayer of thankfulness for our Salvation...each one of my boys have made their own decision to follow Christ.  As we discussed each of the boys and their decision to follow Christ, I saw my oldest son glance over at his sister and I knew the wheels were turning.  I knew the next words that were going to come out of his mouth by the look on his face.  With his eyes watering and face somewhat contorted trying to choke back the tears all he could get out was, "Mama, what about Sophie?"  

I finished his question for him, "Are you wondering if/how Sophie will go to heaven?"  He nodded yes.  He wondered how, since his sister is unable to speak, she would be able to pray the prayer of Salvation.  I could see how heavy that concern weighed on him and I prayed I would have the right words to comfort his hurting and questioning heart. You see there isn't a certain age at which God holds everyone accountable, it is according to our understanding.  

When we understand that we are a sinner and that our sin separates us from a relationship with God, then we can understand our need for a Savior.  When we understand that God loves us so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sin and rose from the grave three days later forever defeating sin, then we are able to pray to God with a knowledge and understanding in our heart that we want to follow and live for God for the rest of our days. I told him that Sophie Kate will not be held accountable before God for her sin(sinful nature) because she is unable to understand at this time.  She's not able to comprehend her desperate need for a Savior due to the injuries she suffered at birth.   She will go to Heaven sweet boy, just like you.  Again he nodded, but this time a few tears managed to escape and were making their way down his cheeks. Tears of relief, tears of a heart so full toward his sister that words rarely escape him concerning her, but a heart so full nonetheless...compassion and concern for her.  She's always on his heart and mind.

Thank you God for these boys and how much they touch my life each and every day.  Thank you for the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.  I'll end today with the first Bible verse Grey memorized, John 3:16.  "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him might not perish but have eternal life."    

That's just not who we are

On a random Wednesday, we pulled into the church parking lot and as I was getting Sophie Kate in her wheelchair, Grey says to me, " Mama you know those people who have babies that can walk and talk?"  "Yes, Grey I know those people," I answered him.  He then said, "That's just not who we are."  To Grey that's a true statement, this life we live now is all he's ever known.  He was only 20 months old when his sister was born, still a baby himself.  

I couldn't help but think, yes Grey I know those people, I'm one of them.  I had the children that walked and talked when they were supposed to and I took it for granted.  Yes, it was a milestone that we celebrated at the time but it was expected of all of them.  They walked and talked and we "ooh'ed and ahh'ed and then we got over it and moved on. I didn't view those sounds and steps for the miracles and blessings they were. I see kids the same age as my girl and their ease of movement mocks me.  It's not even something you think about until you don't have it and then you find yourself watching them and imagining your child in their place...longing, wishing and dreaming.

Grey had it right, "that's just not who we are." That one statement sums us up pretty good.  I don't want us to be like everyone else.  This should change us, we don't want to be the people we were before our girl changed our world. May we be kinder, more patient with each other, more loving and more in the moment and appreciative of the gift of each day.  "That's just not who we are" and may nothing that we experience be in vain, may we learn from it and be changed...less of us, more of Him.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Right Now

Another weekend has flown by and I find myself at the start of yet another week.  We had some of Cooper's friends over this weekend for his birthday and as long as we kept the food coming every few hours they were happy. It was pretty low key and didn't involve me or Chad much at all.  It's a far cry from the planning and activities that used to go into the parties when he was younger.  Some video games, food, movies then popcorn and that was really it, ha ha.

Sophie Kate has now lost 2 teeth.  She's got quite a gap on the bottom, it's so cute.  Friday, I met with SK's teacher and all her school therapists for our annual IEP meeting to discuss her progress and set new goals for the school year. It went very well, we are so blessed to have such caring people in our school system and wonderful resources as well.  This will be Sophie Kate's last year in preschool.  She will be in Kindergarten next year, I can hardly believe it. We talked just a bit about what next year may hold for our little girl and everyone was very excited about the new things she will get to experience.  I found myself very emotional and unable to breathe, no surprise there.  We love her preschool class and cannot bear the thought of leaving Mrs. B.  We'll have to take that transition in small doses for sure, but it was so great to hear the excitement in every one's voices about what the next few years will hold for our girl in school.

Flag football is in full swing and we are loving our football mornings with the boys and all the games.  I have some random information that I have been meaning to include for some time.  It will mean nothing to y'all but I have to record it here so that I can look back on it one day and cry, ha ha.  For some reason one day a couple of weeks ago we measured everyone to see how tall they were.  I have no idea what set all that in motion but nevertheless for one moment in time their heights were as follows (in inches): Sophie Kate-45, Grey-50, Jacob-55 and Cooper-65.  Isn't that crazy?  Like I said, for one moment in time, I know it won't last long.  

Thanks for checking in on us.